Dating at BYU

This topic has been one that I have wanted to write about for a long time. So, today, after reading an article in the daily universe, I thought I might as well share my opinion…just in case you cared. :D

First off, the dating scene at BYU drives me crazy. The reason: people take it too seriously. This may sound flippant, but I hope after some further explanation it will make sense.

As a couple girls in the daily universe article said, “You wonder, when a guy asks you out, ‘Are you asking me out because it’s expected? Are you interested or are you just dating to date?”Angela Lopez said she would rather not be asked out than go with a man who felt obligated.” Ok, so my reply to this is…get over it. Who cares if they are asking you out just to date. The point of dating is to get to know people. Why not go on the date, get to know someone new and make the best of the situation?

In the small town that I was raised in, dating was something you did for fun. I had friends to hang out with, but that same group of friends also planned group dates and switched off the girls that they dated every weekend or so. They dated for the pure fun of getting to know someone a little better than before. At BYU, I have too often come home from a first date and been asked by my caring roommates if they thought I could “see it going anywhere.” At first I didn’t think much of this question, but after some key observations I realized that this question revealed a view on dating that I have deemed unhealthy. I get frustrated when this is asked now, simply because I have no idea at this point if the young man I have only spent a few hours getting to know is right for me or not. For me, I am working on the friendship still. Sure I might find the person attractive and funny and who knows I may have even had a fantastic time, but experience has taught me that these things might be an indication of future potential, but just as likely they may not. Besides, why worry about something that shouldn’t be evaluated at this point anyway, just get to know the person.

I had a recent conversation with a guy that I know from class. He shocked me when he said that he hardly went on dates anymore. Of course, I couldn’t leave it at that I had to know why. He simply said that he would be interested in many girls at the same time and so go on dates with a number of them, only to be scolded by a few of them because they said he was leading them on. Oh…girls…stop thinking that if a man asks you on a date that he wants you as his eternal companion. Don’t jump to conclusions, just get to know the person and enjoy your time together. On a slightly related side note, I have seen many women, roommates, friends, classmates, tie themselves in knots because they don’t know if they like a guy who keeps asking them out. If you don’t know, don’t worry about it, just keep getting to know them.

The problem with dating at BYU is that we think too far ahead. We get anxious and worried about what is going to happen instead of just enjoying life. I have been guilty of this before and I still have to remind myself to be calm and less frantic. As I am constantly reminded by those dearest to me, life isn’t a race and I can’t force things to happen.