I'm reminded of a quote that I read in Anne of Green Gables a few years ago. Anne is talking to Marilla about how her plans are changing. In this part of the book, she has reached a point where it has become important for her to stay and take care of her caregiver and give up her education for a while. "When I left Queen's my future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road. I thought I could see along it for many a milestone. Now there is a bend in it. I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does. It has a fascination of its own, that bend, Marilla. I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on."
I'm reminded of this quote because I have reached a bend in my own road. I'm not sure what exactly lies beyond, but like Anne, I prefer to think of it as a path with checkered light and shadows, new landscapes, beauties and curves, hills valleys and much more. Though change isn't always as splendid as one would like to think, it still has a "fascination of its own."
The Journey
When I was a freshman at BYU, I came to school with rose colored glasses. I was going to conquer the world, choose the perfect major and everything would fall right at my feet. Well, I decided on the perfect major, I wanted to do music, specifically vocal performance. So, I auditioned in December and lo and behold I did not make it. That was a bump in the road for sure, but I was determined to continue. I did a little research and heard that Music Education did an audition for the School of Music during Summer term. I didn't really have any passion for music education at this point and thought that I would be sneaky and try to make it in under music education and then eventually switch to performance, because once you were in, you were in.
Then another bump hit, I took the introductory course and fell in love with music education. Just the whole concept of helping to mold the next generation of musicians was magical to me. At the end of this course, I auditioned again. I made it into the School of Music this time, but with a new objective. I was going to become the best music teacher out there and change the world (since that is the goal of every person, right?).
I continued on this path for two years, things were going great. Occasionally I would hear of a friend, or peer in the music education program switching to performance. I would entertain the idea for a moment and then quickly decide I liked where I was, plus music education was more stable and I would have a career once I graduated. It just made sense.
The Bend
This current spring semester was my last semester of voice lessons (as a music education major you take only two years of voice lessons vs. the four performance majors take). So, I decided to do a recital. Why not finish with a bang? Well, I had my recital (read previous post), it went as well as I could have hoped for and graduation was just around the corner (3 semesters away).
Then one day, last Thursday, I got this crazy idea. Like most conclusions, or decisions we make in life, there are things that sort of unravel the idea before us. This then leads to the big 'ah-ha' moment where everything changes. These little nudges alter our path ever so slightly, and like a turn in the road, they don't happen all at once. It's a gradual process. These, for me, were the compliments received from family and friends after my performance, the compliments from the head of the vocal department and his encouragement to not give up because my voice was getting 'there', and my overall desire to continue my own vocal development. I could feel that although I had come a long way, I still wasn't as grounded as I wanted to be in my technique and my desire to continue lessons just kept growing. I was afraid though. I really wanted to ask my teacher, Dr. Reich, if I could continue studying with her, but I knew she had a very busy studio and that she was in high demand. I just didn't know if she would consider taking a student on for another year who was done with their vocal requirement and who just wanted to take lessons for their own personal benefit.
The other worry that was weighing on my mind at this point was graduate school. I had been looking into schools and I had started to realize that I didn't feel prepared to apply to graduate school with the training I would get from music education. So, as is characteristic with everything I do, I tried to find a solution. First, I needed to further my vocal skills. The above fear of asking my previous teacher to take me on was the conclusion of that thought. I also needed to have a basic reading comprehension in all of the Romantic languages (French, Italian, and German). I definitely could do this goal, but my graduation plan was set, and I didn't have any room for three more four credit classes before graduation.
Then the crazy idea hit. What if I changed my major to vocal performance? This idea had never seemed like a possibility to me, but for the first time it sounded like it might actually work. So, I figured out a graduation plan. Good news I would only need to extend my graduation by one semester. Then I talked to my academic adviser, who I happen to work for. Everything would work out there as well. Now I just needed approval from the head of the vocal department. I sent him an e-mail. A couple hours later I received this response:
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"I would be glad to speak to you about this topic. You know that I am a fan of your voice. You meet the VPS standards for entry into 360, so the decision rests with you. Dr. Reich has a tight load in the fall, but I am sure she would make room for you. If, for some reason, she cannot, I would be pleased to help, as I know several other teachers would, too."
*VPS standards refers to how your voice is scored at juries on a 5.0 scale. To pass onto the next level of voice lessons, in vocal performance (360), a student has to receive a VPS of 3.0 out of 5.0.
This is the point in our story that I started to get really excited. I just stared at the screen and thought, "You mean it is a possibility for me to switch? I can be the major that I originally wanted to be?" Crazy stuff, that's for sure. Well, I didn't want to be impulsive or anything. After all, this was pretty life changing. However, after much contemplation and advice I decided to switch. Two comments that particularly swayed my vote were:
"You might as well reach farther than you think you can and then even if you fall, you will have grown in the process." Said to me by my friend in the music education program, Sarah Hunsaker Machado.
(Interestingly, this comment reminds me of another quote from the Anne of Green Gables saga.)
"It's a no brainer to me, you can take education classes any time, what you can't get back is the talent development that you will have the opportunity to pursue." Said to me by my dear father.
So, there you have it. I am now a Vocal Performance major at BYU with two more years ahead of me. The turn has been taken. I am now rounding the bend. What lays before me is very hard to see at this point. And sometimes, like Anne, "I wonder how the road beyond it goes--what there is of green glory and soft, checkered light and shadows--what new landscapes--what new beauties--what curves and hills and valleys further on."
I guess I'll get to find out.
